What happens when you move your kids to a different school? Parenting as a whole involves a host of challenges that non-parents can only imagine; and changing schools is definitely one of them. If you’re a parent and are considering this move, then this article is for you!

I recently moved both my kids to a different school, and boy, did I have a rough time! The kids did too of course, but in this particular case, I think I’ve earned the right to grab the honour of ‘most harried’ J When I shared my experience with other parents, I realised that I wasn’t alone in feeling lost, worried or intimidated. So I thought, why not share what I learned with the wider world through my blog? My hope is that other parents can take heart from my experiences and realise that change – and I don’t mean just school – does not have to be upsetting or disconcerting. It can also be motivating, inspiring and invigorating for both the child and parent. All it takes is a small mental shift in attitude and the ability to respond with excitement instead of fear.

I’m sure all parents will agree when I say that schooling is one of the most important stages of a child’s life. At school, kids don’t just learn Maths, English and History. They also learn important life skills like patience, compassion and empathy and hone their emotional and social intelligence. School teaches them people skills and the value of team work and leadership. And if they have good teachers, they will also learn to appreciate the knowledge they are given and find ways to apply it in real life. All in all, a loving home environment and a stimulating yet stable school environment together mould a child’s personality, ethics and behaviour which will then prepare him or her for the challenges and trials of adulthood. So naturally, when a child is moved to a different school, it can be a cosmic-level change for the child. Importantly, it can be challenging for the parent as well.

As humans, we all have a ‘comfort zone’ and would prefer to stay within its boundaries for as long as we can. So when a change is imminent (or worse, forced upon us), it makes us resentful and worse, anxious and worried. When you change your child’s school, the first few weeks after could be very good or very bad, depending on how your child is able to cope with the new environment. In my case, the first thing I realised was that changing schools tends to have less impact on primary graders than secondary graders. My daughter, who is now in the 7th grade, confided that by moving to a different school, she lost the ‘leadership’ position that she had established in her previous school over the past 5 or so years. She felt lost as there was a drastic change in her situation, from being the most popular girl who everyone knew and admired to a complete newcomer who no one knew, let alone admired. My son, on the other hand, had no such problems, because he’s younger and therefore better able to adapt to a new environment. The bottomline is that younger kids are generally better able to cope with change than older ones.

Social loneliness can be very intimidating for adults and children alike. In the case of children though, if parents do not deal with the problem promptly and sensitively, its associated negative emotions could affect the child’s subconscious for a very long time. Feelings like ‘I am not good enough’, ‘no one loves me and no one ever will’ and ‘I don’t need anyone’ can accompany the child into adulthood and adversely affect their long-term psychological and intellectual development. My daughter has always been a sensitive task, so helping her to manage her post-change emotions, prove her mettle and self-worth to herself and find healthy outlets for her fear and sadness was my primary focus. It was a herculean task but now that the storm is past, totally worth it!

So, if you’re moving your child to a different school, what can you do to make the change easier (or at least less painful!)?

• Well first of all, don’t change schools unless absolutely required. This may sound like a ‘Duh!’ piece of advice, but you’d be surprised by the number of parents I have seen who have moved their children into different schools for the most frivolous of reasons. ‘The school doesn’t serve chicken for lunch’, ‘the principal does not have a PhD from an international university’ and ‘my daughter doesn’t like the uniform colour. She thinks the beige is boring’ are all reasons I have heard from parents to justify the move. True story!
• Prepare your child in advance for the change. Keep talking to the child constantly, both before and after. Make every effort to uplift his/her spirits whenever he complains about feeling left out or isolated in the school. More importantly, pay careful attention to non-verbal cues. Some kids are vocal about their feelings but some prefer to bottle them up. You know your child best, so devise a strategy to deal with the problem before it becomes intractable and affects his school life in major ways.
• Be a proactive parent and organise a get-together with some of her new classmates. This will give your child an opportunity to become friends with other kids and become more comfortable in her new social environment.
• Be excited about the change yourself! It’s uncanny how parents’ worry and trepidation can transfer to their child. As a parent, you must ‘sell’ the change to your child. Talk about the new experiences he will have and the new friendships he will make, and his mindset will surely change.
• Also, if the new school has any apparent negatives (‘it’s near the airport so it’s very noisy’, ‘the student population consists of more boys than girls’, ‘most teachers are in their mid- to late-20s so how much experience could they have?’, etc), don’t discuss them in front of your child. Always be positive about the school. If the child talks about the negatives of the new school and talks up her old one as a paragon of virtue, make sure you show her its positives compared to the previous school. The only thing that will help the child settle in the new surrounding will be your positivity as a parent.

Changing schools can be a daunting experience for a child. But as a parent, you can help make her life easier. Your unconditional love, support and practical advice will help her adjust to her new environs in the short term and build up her emotional quotient in the long term.

Do drop me a note below if you agree!