The suicide of Sushant Singh Rajput has stirred many individuals including me. The netizens have all come alive with different stories and different perspectives. Some say he was depressed, some say he was on drugs, some say it was nepotism! The tiny judgmental part in me( yes I am still on my way to that 100% non judgemental attitude) decides to form its own conclusion – Depression must have stemmed from nepotism and bullying and then he would have drugs to get over that rotten feelings or he would have done drugs to be a part of the elite privilege club and got stuck in the spiral. Twitter was ablaze with ban KaranJohar privilege gang and nepotism and Sushant Singh support tweets but I failed to understand the very same people were actually promoting it by following these heartless nepotists. People nowadays just want juice and nothing else. Why do we have a habit of keeping the top bollywood stars on a pedestal. Taimur gets all the attention than Sarang Sumesh or Arshdeep Singh? Why is Shahrukh called King Khan? Whats so kingly that he does except pulling off some romantic scenes? Why isn’t a lawyer who fights hard to protect people or soldier given this pedestal or a sports person who wins accolades for the country? So in a way a lot of people besides these nepotists are responsible for his death. Its a representation of our society – Nepotism, Bullying, false egos, irrational glamour, outsider status…

Human mind has been knowingly and unknowingly practicing nepotism in all fields not just Bollywood. The only difference that separates Bollywood from other fields is the constant limelight. Since you are constantly judged by the entire world you would want to be acknowledged by them and slightest of alienation could skew you in a totally different tangent spiraling you out of your natural orbit.

I hardly watch new Bollywood same- old-drama films but I had managed to watch Dhoni and Kedarnath – Dhoni being a sport movie and Kedarnath just because it had Shiva’s name! I had loved Sushant’s charming chocolate boy appeal in the film. Not being much of a social media person, I was unaware about Sushant’s personal life until I saw some of his tweets circulated in the news recently! It made me curious and I borrowed my better half’s twitter account to read more about him. The findings were shocking! He had space, Sanskrit shlokas, metaphysics on his account. He never talked about his upcoming releases as much as he talked about all different things under the sun! I found that fascinating for an actor! Odd too. I read more and more about him. The more I read the more my heart sank! This was a case of bullying on world stage! One of my kids had faced bullying at school and that  made me even sadder. I could relate to the turmoil he would have gone through on being alienated.

Now my mind was racing at full speed trying to decipher the reason of giving up his life? I came across another video of his speech in IIT back in 2016 where he says he felt cheated and was told that money and fame were happiness. He went to say ” I was lied to at all times that I would be happy once I had those 2 things!” Once he got those two big things money and fame he found they didn’t matter and they were not as big as he thought. He got used to them and the pure happiness which was supposed to come with them was still nowhere in sight. He went to say that cause is equal to the effect and the excitement of the now is the only thing that can make you happy! It was difficult to digest that someone who was a deep thinker and also spiritually inclined would abruptly end his life like this!

It triggered another series of thoughts in my mind – Few drugs are believed to take people to different highs where they say they experience oneness and singularity for that fraction of a second. Would he have experienced something like that and realized that his existence itself is an illusion and now since he had acquired everything he had been running for all his life it would be fine to exit ? Did he realize this and gave up his physical self? And then yet another thought comes up that if you are so in sync with the universe then why do you need to exit? Why not just stay? Maybe he had the intelligence but no balance and clarity. There is a way to balance those energies for a more fulfilling life. But then again when there are so many wolves around you for so long that it could break your patience and create that imbalance. Bullying at school level puts children in depression then I shudder to imagine what bullying on public platform in front of the entire world would do to you and he faced that many times! I guess he just wanted to leave the dirty world behind. Some can balance while some cannot.

Like Sadhguru says “people are dying in installments in depression and that human life has become so dependent on chemicals – to be happy you need chemicals, to be healthy you need chemicals, to be peaceful you need chemicals” and then one day those same chemicals create a chemical imbalance called depression!

Who would imagine that a shadow lurks over shining bright Bollywood film industry. After all the advice that middle class people give their children” Beta kuch bhi karna film line mein mat jaana” holds absolutely true.

RIP to all the souls who have died in living bodies!

Lights Camera Action Darkness!